Billy the Blobfish Plus Sandy Patties
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: Squidward meets a talented blobfish who steals what he perceives to be his own godlike reputations as a patron of the arts. Also, Sandy starts a restaurant. In-progress will add more details and jokes later.


Billy Blobfish

One day SpongeBob knocked on Squidward's door.  
"Hey Squidward!" shouted Spongebob.  
"GO AWAY!" replied Squidward in a vociferous angry tone.  
"I want you to meet Billy Blobfish!" said SpongeBob. Squidward opened the door and was surprised to see a large purple mass of slime with a replica of his  
nose and two tiny black beedy eyes above it.  
"WHA-WHA-WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME? I mean...who the heck is he?" asked Squidward.  
"Patrick and I found him in a castle near Jellyfish Fields. He was in this creepy mansion playing piano wearing a mask, and we just thought we'd cheer him up!"  
said SpongeBob.  
"Well that sure is ingenious. What the barnacle is wrong with you two?" asked Squidward.  
"Us two? Baa-laah-laah. You mean us three! We're the three best friends in the whole world" said Spongebob.  
"The Three Stooges is more like it. And where the heck is Patrick?" asked Squidward. Patrick came falling down from the sky.  
"OOF! Oh wow. Hookey isn't like it used to be without inflatable pants. Hi Squidward!" said Patick.  
"Patrick you're playing hooky again? I can't do this. I'm going to be having guests over soon!" said Squidward.  
"Guests?" asked Spongebob.  
"I'm part of a new book club now!" said Squidward. "I won't tarnish my reputation letting the likes of Billy Blobfish be here when they arrive" he added.  
"Squidward, you don't know what you're talking about!" said Spongebob.  
"Ya-ya-YES I DO!" screamed Squidward, slamming the door on Billy, Spongebob and Patrick.  
"Oh well Billy. Maybe Mr. Krabs will like you" said Patrick.  
"No Patrick I don't think that's a good idea. I think if Squidward just got to know Billy on a more personal level, they'd become great pals" suggested SpongeBob.  
"Yeah! Glad I thought of that" said Patrick.  
"Patrick, when's the last time you thought of anything?" asked Spongebob.  
"Uhhh...I don't know!" said Patrick. SpongeBob rang Squidward's doorbell.  
"What is it now?" asked Squidward. The blobfish began speaking a poem in a low melodramatic voice:

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood  
And looked down one as far as I could  
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

"WHAT? That's Robert Frost! I LOVE ROBERT FROST POETRY!" shouted Squidward.  
"That's not all, Squidward! He also plays clarinet" said SpongeBob. Billy began playing clarinet like a god.  
"OH MY GOSH! I LOVE YOU BILLY BLOBFISH!" said Squidward hugging Billy.  
"Hey, does anyone know where I left my wallet?" asked Patrick.

Later that evening...

Squidward invited all his squid friends to the event and saw that they were all talking to Billy Blobfish.  
"Well...this sure is great. I finally have culture in my house and it's not because of my awesome interpretive dancing skills or my clarinet or my actors guild!  
It's because of a butt ugly blobfish that likes music and poetry" said Squidward. The blobfish began singing:

IT IS TRUE I AM A BLOBFISH BUT WHAT IS MINE TO BE?  
IS THIS JUST MY FATE TO SIMPLY LIVE UNDER THE SEA?  
I'D LIKE TO KNOW THE WORLD ABOVE, TO EAT REAL BURGERS, TO SLEEP, TO WATCH THE FLIGHT OF A DOVE.  
BUT WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THIS SEA? IF THERE IS NOTHING IN IT FOR ME.  
IT ISN'T SELFISH, WE ALL ARE ONE. I AM YOU, YOU ARE ME, WE ARE ALL UNDER THE SEA.

Everyone clapped.  
"No no, that-that didn't even make sense!" said Squidward, putting his tentacle under his chin and groaning. SpongeBob was present sitting in a chair next to him.  
"You don't have to feel bad," said Spongebob.  
"I don't?" asked Squidward.  
"No, look at all these wonderful guests Billy-I mean you..have!" said SpongeBob.  
"I suppose that's true!" said Squidward.  
"Exactly. And hey, you can learn things from Billy. If he seems like a better version of you...than try being better!" said SpongeBob.  
"Wow, I never thought of it like that. Thanks Spongebob!" said Squidward.  
"Yeah! And hey, Clara winked at you!" said SpongeBob.  
"CLARA CONCHWELL? The world famous female squid poet?" said Squidward.  
"Yep!" said Spongebob nodding and laughing.

Squidward raced up to Clara.  
"Clara, I'm nothing, really. I'm just a really good host who plays clarinet better than anyone, and a patron of the arts, and a great cook and a weight lifter and  
more! Much more!" said Squidward.  
"Cashier, don't forget cashier!" said Patrick, whispering to Spongebob.  
"Patrick, that was so witty!" said Spongebob.  
"Thanks, so are you that's why we're best friends. What's witty mean? And what's a cashier?" asked Patrick.

One week later..

"You were right SpongeBob, thank you so much. Billy brought Clara into my life. And I've learned more about clarinet from him than anyone!" said Squidward.  
"Don't thank me, thank Patrick and Billy" said SpongeBob.  
"Why Patrick?" asked Squidward.  
"He was in charge of the snack department. Anyway, glad to know you and Clara are getting married" said SpongeBob.  
"Yeah, we'll be at the wedding for sure" said Patrick, sniffling.  
"Guess what else? Billy is going to be our permanent house guest" said Squidward.  
"Nice knowing you...Squidward!" said Spongebob, sobbing.

The End..

Sandy Patties:

One day Sandy was eating burgers at the Krusty Krab.  
"My-oh my! These sure are as tasty as a tumbleweed in a turnip farm!" said Sandy.  
"That doesn't sound very tasty!" said a fish customer as he darted out the door.  
"Was it something I said?" asked Sandy. Mr. Krabs panicked.  
"I HEARD MONEY WALKING OUT THE DOOR!" shouted Mr. Krabs.  
"No that was Patrick he flipped a quarter backwards" explained Spongebob.  
"Flipped a quarter...BACKWARDS? PATRICK DON'T WORRY I'LL GET YOUR QUARTER!" shouted Mr. Krabs.  
"No really it's okay, I don't even play video games anymore" said Patrick.  
"Video games? You actually spend your money? That's terrible!" said Mr. Krabs.  
"Okay, well now that you have my quarter can I have it back?" asked Patrick.  
"Give it back? You'll probably spend it on a Clam-Man game machine! The sheer thought of ever spending money almost sends me into convulsions!" said Mr. Krabs  
taking away Patrick's quarter.  
"Hey, he took your quarter! That wasn't nice" said SpongeBob.  
"Neh. Who took what? What's a quarter?" asked Patrick.  
"I-I-I did this? I sent the money out the door?" asked Sandy.  
SpongeBob walked over to Sandy.  
"No, no you're fine. But I have a great idea. Actually Patrick thought of it" said SpongeBob.  
"That's...really incredible!" said Sandy, wondering how Patrick thought of anything, as starfish have no brains.  
"SpongeBob and I are going to try to contact an angel up in Heaven" said Patrick.  
"Patrick that isn't the incredible thing!" said SpongeBob.  
"Oh. Sorry, never mind!" said Patrick.  
"Sandy, Patrick might not remember it, but he told me you should start your own restaurant!" said SpongeBob.  
"Mah own restaurant? I suppose I do have the resources" said Sandy, opening up a thought bubble with rockets and machinery.  
"Sandy, you would be a great hostess, believe me I can look into your soul!" said SpongeBob.  
"You should open the restaurant in space!" said Patrick.  
"I-I don't know. I mean I could I suppose. And I could sell Texas-style burgers!" said Sandy.  
"But what would you call them?" asked Patrick.  
"I'd call them Sandy patties!" said Sandy. Sandy raced out the door and began building up her restaraunt.

The next week...

Sandy had a restaurant built that extended all the way into space. It was futuristic and modern, bringing in more customers than the Krusty Krab  
could even stomach, let alone tolerate.  
"Welcome to mah new place. It's called Sandy's Space Place!" said Sandy, as she greeted SpongeBob and Patrick as they came in. Squidward and Mr. Krabs entered  
afterward. The song "Must be talking to an angel" could be heard in the background.  
"Wow Sandy, it's even better than I thought it would be" said SpongeBob.  
"It's even better than I didn't think it would be!" said Patrick.  
"Heheh, well boys what will ya have?" asked Sandy.  
"Three Sandy patties, two orders of authentic Atlantean kelp fries, and an interstellar soda please" said SpongeBob.  
"That'll be seventeen ninety-nine!" said Sandy.  
"All this, AND she can count!" said Patrick. SpongeBob slapped Patrick.  
"So, Sandy, I bet with the funds you get from this you'll NEVER have to leave Bikini Bottom!" said SpongeBob.  
"Yeah. I think this is the best thing that's ever happened to me!" said Sandy.  
"WHAT? But what about the day I married you?" asked Patrick.  
"You never married me Patrick!" said Sandy, folding her arms.

Pearl was chatting with her friends:

"Finally I can go to a restaurant that doesn't diminish my social standing!" said Pearl.

"You're super awesome, Pearl!" said Mindy, one of Pearl's friends.

Mr. Krabs and Squidward were chatting:

"You know, I don't like going into total bankruptcy but this place is so incredibly awesome! FUTURE! FUTURE!" yelled Squidward, raising his tentacles in the air.  
"Don't talk like that. We've gotta find out what she puts in that secret formula, and STEAL IT!" said Mr. Krabs.  
"Krabs, that is a truly terrible idea" said Squidward. "Let's do it" he added.

"Say, Sandy!" said Squidward, who approached her with a huge smile on his face.  
"Howdy Squidward! Things sure are bustling in here like a bumblebee in a barrel roll contest" said Sandy.  
"Uhh..yeah. Well, Sandy, I've never told you this before but I think you're the most beautiful squirrel in the ocean!" said Squidward.  
"Well, I do thank you kindly, buuut, reckon I'm the only squirrel in the ocean, so that almost wouldn't apply!" said Sandy. Mr. Krabs slapped Squidward and dragged him back to the table.  
"That ain't how you're gonna get the formuler!" said Mr. Krabs.  
"Oh, tarter sauce!" said Squidward. Mr. Krabs raced up to Sandy.  
"WHAT THE HALIBUT DO YOU PUT IN THAT STUFF?" asked Mr. Krabs, who looked stark raving mad.  
"Well first we start off with freshly plowed wheat from Buckfield's Farms, we slow roast the turkey in a dutch oven, we drip the barbecue sauce in the special texas  
solution, then we slap on pickles lettuce onions cheese and tomaters and you got yerself a tumbleweed worthy of the stomach's rumble!" said Sandy.  
"In English please, mammal? What the heck is a turkey?" said Mr. Krabs.  
"Why do ya'll want mah secret formula?" asked Sandy. Suddenly a voice could be heard.

"DID SOMEONE SAY SECRET FORMULA?" shouted Plankton. Plankton grabbed a sandy patty and raced away with it.  
"He's trying to steal mah secret Sandy patty formula! I'll lasso him in for questioning!" said Sandy chasing off Plankton.  
"WAIT! We don't need to do this Squidward! We can LEARN from her. And besides, Plankton will try to steal HER formula instead of ours" said Mr. Krabs.

One year later, after first contact was established and Atlantians as well as many friendly space aliens began eating in the upper rooms...

"WHAT'S THAT RUMBLING?" yelled Sandy. "It sounds like more ruckus than a racoon in a rust bucket" she added.

A fleet of evil enemy UFO's laser beamed the entire restaurant and it went crashing into the ocean. Sandy's restaurant was no more.  
"None of this would have happened if you just used Alien Repellant like I said long ago" said Patrick. Sandy's eyes were half-shut, her arms folded with a look  
of discontentment.

The End


End file.
